Before going
travelling
together, Sophie* and Poppy* were best friends. The pair knew everything that was going on with the other, and would
voice note
daily.
However, an extraordinary journey to
Vietnam
altered everything, and they haven’t communicated since.
‘I haven’t really thought about reaching out to her,’ Sophie tells
.
Half of Brits have
argued with friends abroad
, with 16% saying tensions got so bad, they lost the friendship entirely as a result.
The beach argument was so relatable that 24-year-old Australian Katie Treasure shared it in four parts.
TikTok series
sharing the inquiries you ought to pose to your companions prior to journeying together, derived from her personal experiences of traveling and residing overseas.
From ‘What time are we waking up?’ to ‘How are we going to split the costs?’ – the questions are caveated with a firm warning from Katie: ‘Just because you’re good friends with someone does not mean you travel well together.’
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.
This was the somber realization for Sophie and Poppy, both 22, as they embarked on their journey around
southeast Asia
Together, they began their journey in June 2023. While they did not set an exact comeback date, they anticipated being gone for the majority of the summer.
Prior to embarking on their trip together, Sophie and Poppy had been inseparable for many years. ‘We understood every detail of each other’s thoughts and stayed current with all aspects of one another’s lives,’ Sophie explains.
However, after spending the initial few days hopping from one hotel to another across Vietnam, Sophie realized that her companions had completely distinct plans for their journey, which led her to start feeling
‘the ick’
While Poppy dove headfirst into making new acquaintances with her ‘energetic and lively’ vibe, Sophie remained more subdued and favored ‘impromptu yet profound discussions’. According to Sophie, their differing approaches to socializing often led them to clash, causing Sophie to feel overshadowed by Poppy.
There was also a mismatch of financial flexibility between the friends. While Sophie embodied a ‘you get this, I’ll get that’ approach to spending, Poppy wasn’t as easy-going.
‘Sophie mentions that once, among a group of newly acquainted individuals, Poppy requested she cover her expenses, claiming Sophie owed her money. This situation turned out to be rather uncomfortable,’ he states.
The friends had disagreements about their travel plans too. While Poppy was keen on joining group tours and seeing all the sights, Sophie preferred a laid-back and easygoing way of discovering new places.
It all culminated after merely two weeks when the duo opted to part ways. Although there wasn’t any major conflict, Poppy confronted the unspoken issue. Both acknowledged they weren’t fond of each other’s presence and chose to journey independently. Sophie feels content with how things unfolded since solo travel allowed her ‘a much more pleasant adventure.’
Even though the split was amicable, Sophie and Poppy have not communicated since. “A number of her comments genuinely wounded me,” explains Sophie.
After friends decide to take a vacation together, it’s crucial that they talk about their expectations for the trip right away.
How to prevent a falling out in friendships – before it occurs
Relationship therapist
Nicolas Rose
tells
‘For certain individuals, traveling represents a period of liberation where they seek to form new relationships, discover different sights, and encounter fresh adventures. On the contrary, for others, it might be an opportunity to retreat and enjoy personal solitude.’
In Sophie and Poppy’s situation, they only recognized upon arriving in Vietnam that their objectives were quite distinct from each other.
Friends ought to talk about possible financial, lifestyle, and personality conflicts that could come up during their travels. A psychologist who specializes in friendships advises this.
Irene S. Levine
states: ‘It’s important to stay aware of significant financial differences, varying traveling preferences, distinct activity levels, and differing sleeping habits, and take initiative to ensure these do not become sources of conflict.’
A friend group could also establish limits regarding the amount of individual downtime each person might require during the journey.
Irene asks, ‘If you two want to explore different sights or engage in separate activities, will you be okay going solo?’
But planning ahead isn’t always a surefire way to avoid problems. Lucy*, 28, recently went travelling to
Mexico
Along with her close friend, Freya*, the duo intended to remain there until their funds were depleted.
Before they left, Freya asked Lucy if they could meet up with one of her old school friends, *Paige, who would be in Mexico at the same time as them. At first, Lucy felt anxious that this would result in her feeling ‘left out’. She voiced her concerns to Freya, who assured Lucy that this was just a brief catch-up and they’d continue on travelling as a pair.
However, when Paige temporarily joined the pair at their hostel for just one evening, what was meant to be short-term turned into an extended stay as she quickly integrated herself into the group. Lucy’s reservations grew stronger during those following fourteen days, leaving her feeling like the extra person amidst Freya and Paige’s growing closeness.
‘I simply realized that I stood out as different,’ Lucy shares.
.
‘I found it difficult to connect with them as effortlessly as they connected with one another.’
Even fellow backpackers observed the uneven dynamics among the group and brought this to Lucy’s attention at the time. This only added to her discomfort and embarrassment over the less-than-ideal circumstances.
And if conflicts arise while you’re already far from home…
Nicholas suggests that travel companions set aside time every two weeks for what he calls a ‘bi-weekly check-in.’ The aim of these sessions is to have honest conversations about how the journey is progressing. These discussions could happen during a sundown drink or perhaps a morning walk together. Both individuals should pledge to consistently ensure they’re aligned. By doing this, they create a safe environment for expressing thoughts freely, allowing each person involved to share whatever might be on their mind.
Awkward? Perhaps a little. But your other option is potentially losing a friendship forever.
Because of unexpected events, Lucy needed to leave for her home sooner than planned and couldn’t address the problem with Freya — who remained in Mexico continuing her travels. Taking everything into account, Lucy believes their bond might not recover fully from this change.
‘Even if I could have continued traveling without stopping, I probably would have moved on after about a month,’ Lucy muses. ‘Things weren’t going well for me at all once Paige came along. Freya truly disappointed me.’
*Names have been changed.
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